It seems that it’s only after events like these that you actually question what, in the grand scheme of things, could made you have thought that attempting to drink continuously for a entire day would be a helpful and enriching experience. What would have possessed me to write off the harrowing tales of woe related to me by (significantly) bigger and better athletes in the inebriation Olympics?
More the fool I, Dave Hill, and a number of friends took up this gauntlet of insanity, vowing to complete this Herculean task or be-very-disappointed-with-ourselves (hastily changed from ‘commit seppuku with a blunt spoon’ by general consensus).
Starting at noon on Saturday, though we managed to complete a gruelling 16 hours, that still left us fully a third short of the goal. Surprisingly, the difficulty arose not with imbibing the considerable quantities of alcohol, but in remaining awake for the duration of the trial. As those who know me will attest, I’m far from a heavyweight, so I have to ascribe my survival and amazing lack of hangover to my choice of Kopparberg as my poison. Other scoffed at my choice of quite sweet pear cider, but when beer and cider drinkers were blowing out left and right, I remained strong in, sipping my way to sweet, sweet victory (well, in the right direction at the very least).
The accumulation of so much alcohol in one place was in and of itself was a truly epic event; bringing tears to grown men’s eyes and bowing their heads, fixing in their minds that moment so they might one day say to their children, and their children’s children, “I was there.” Yes, their children might be malformed, undernourished and in the care of social services, but at the least they’ll finally know the turning point in their father’s lives when they finally took upon themselves the mantle of alcoholism.
Without the vacuous hyperbole, here is a subset, not by any means exhaustive* of the hi-jinks surfacing on that fateful day:
- Top Hat-tastic action!
- Moshing sans shirts to Jamiroquai
(yes people, apparently you can mosh to anything..) - The Game of Mao (
The first rule of Mao, is don’t talk about Mao) - Exploding Lollipop Conkers - try it today!
- An exclusive Glow staff performance to 4, you lucky few!
- More sleeping people in a room than explainable by physics
- A face full of… socially inappropriate posturing and presentation
* The majority of stories may not be retold for litigation purposes.
Sunday was officially by far the best ‘day after’ ever, most significantly for a distinct lack of.. pain. The entire day I was waiting for the hangover to kick in, the worst I felt was actually the caffeine hit from the super-sized Frappachino we bought when we headed into town for jeans… and which we roundly failed to purchase, getting waylaid in the arts and crafts store and buying canvases instead. I’ve never painted on canvas before, it was like being 5 again! With longer arms.
Fishing for plumbers..
The departure hall was quiet.
Floors polished to brilliance by years of heels hurrying across its grey expanse did little to reduce the cold impersonal glare of the multitude of lights. The hall offered scant warmth and, from the demeanour of those who sat with in it, less cheer. In constrast to the hustle and energy of most of establishments of its ilk, this was the very picture of lifelessness. In corners men spoke in hushed tones, discussing things best not overheard by the uninvolved. A grunt of agreement to a whispered proposal or a bitter laugh from weary traveller were the only sounds to intrude upon the silence. The majority of the denizens of the airport were closely watching the clock, each tick bringing them a step towards their escape.
The man had sat, willing himself to sleep, but slumber would not come to him in this place. Unendingly tended by servants, cleaning and replacing the lights as they faltered, the hall was free of all shadows. His wonder at first entering the hall, which had prompted him to privately name it the Court of Light, had long since passed. After this long bathed in the unceasing colour-sapping brilliance he had come to realise its true name, Hell.
..well, why not?
Quick thanks to everyone who looked after me over the weekend; I’m getting quite the old hand at living out of a bag at weekends:
Couch Surfer - Level Up!
Matt: awesome to see you again, sorry about the inadvertant shopping spree.. you need to get on msn/googletalk more, let’s talk about getting you into the games industry.
Sina: cheers for keeping my conversation grounded in computing, to the bemusement of the others.
Sami, Lily & Xtn: you’re never online, so meh, but I’ll see you guys at Synergy.
Emma: you’re rubbish. Be around more - I expect you waiting on my beck and call.
Plans to come down again currently rely on my driving licence practical at the end of October, so if that goes well, I’ll come down the week I get back from China.
P.S. I’m going to China.
..with Dee on 1st Nov.